Recap: I now have indigestion & feel sick all the time. This gets so severe I can’t consume anything without nearly vomiting, including coffee.
The next year and a half is a downward spiral where I get sicker and sicker and spend thousands and thousands of dollars trying to work out what’s wrong. I see more Dr’s, another Naturopath, Chiropractor, Endocrinologist, & now have chronic back pain to add to the ever growing list.
My new Naturopath completes numerous testings, one of them being a live blood analysis, which is fascinating by the way, have you seen or had one of these?
The first thing she says is “You’ve got something wrong with your Thyroid” and sends me to a Dr with a letter & list of blood tests she thinks needs to be done.
GREAT, I’m getting somewhere, NO I’m not, the Dr I go to won’t order the blood tests as he can’t see any reason why they need to be done.
I explain what’s been happening and the answer is still no. I ask him what is wrong then? he says nothing, there is no need for concern.
I’m back to square one. We have a common theme coming up here “Thyroid”.
No one seems to think something is wrong & the blood tests keep coming back as “normal” despite the fact I’ve now got 38 symptoms, yes 38!
By Sept 31st 2014, I’ve gained 42kg……. 42kg and I’m still eating like a rabbit, I’m totally exhausted and are like a walking zombie.
I’m convinced everyone thinks I am a closet eater, no Dr or Specialist can find anything wrong with me. The only people who agree something is wrong is my original Naturopath (the one who retired), my new Naturopath and my Chiropractor.
LESSON:: General Practitioners don’t always get it right.
TRUTH:: Alternative Medicine Practitioners are the only ones who agree there is something seriously wrong with my body- they just can’t order blood tests to find out WHAT?
I would never have questioned a General Practitioner, MD before going though this. Fast forward to 2019 and this has changed now, some Naturopaths can order bloods but it will cost you $$$$ as it has no Medicare Rebate.
I have an array of symptoms now like, severe reflux which would make me vomit approximately 3 times a week at 1 am in the morning every week, for months. I had to get up for work at 4.45am.
I feel like I’m going to vomit around 100 times per day. I can’t even bend over to make my bed or I’ll be sick, can’t bend over to dry myself out of the shower, I’ll be sick. This, …. whatever ….. THIS is, is impacting my life greatly.
I’m completely exhausted, my face and eyes are puffy / swollen all the time, half of my hair has fallen out and is a cross between steel wool and hay. It’s so dry my hairdresser won’t colour it. I spend hundreds of dollars on hair masks, conditioning treatments, oils, serums, you name it, nothing makes my hair any better.
I start to cut off random chunks of hair as I cant stand looking at it, the ends look like they’ve been singed with a cigarette lighter! and the rest of the strand right to the root looks and feels like wire, water takes a while to penetrate my hair in the shower, it just rolls off.
I don’t know the reflection looking back at me in the mirror- I no longer look like myself, are miserable, look terrible & feel terrible.
My fingernails are so weak they split constantly, I can’t wear nail polish anymore (this lasts for 4 years, then I wise up and switch to a non-toxic one), my foot swells everyday to the size of a grapefruit, now I can’t wear shoes, this makes working in my corporate job difficult!.
I have random eczema that appears all over my hands, and knuckles- which cracks and bleeds. The heels of my feet are so dry they also crack and bleed, no matter how much moisturiser I put on them.
I have random rosacea pustils that come and go all over my face. Every part of my body aches 24/7 at an 8 out of 10 for over a year and a half. The hair on my legs & under my arms stops growing all-together for well over a year & I lose half of my left eyebrow, which still hasn’t fully grown back.
I”m having food allergies to all sorts of things- lactose, spinach, eggplant, pumpkin seeds….. I can go on and on. I’ve never had any food allergies before.
I am a mess and I’m worn out. Tears would stroll down my face over a TV ad, that wasn’t sad. Those who know me know I’m not someone who cries easily. I have headaches all the time these are just off the top of my head and there’s is NOTHING WRONG WITH ME!!!!! You’ve got to be joking.
I have severe brain fog where I can’t remember things like …… my own address.
And last but not least, my mind is not in a good place.
I’m totally miserable, I hate myself and the way I look, so now I’ve retracted from the world & are doing stupid things like groceries at midnight so I won’t bump into anyone I know.
I don’t want anyone to see me, what am I supposed to say, there’s nothing wrong with me, I’m fine I just ate lots of doughnuts and gained 42kg and feel like shit?
The reality is, I can’t talk about it, how am I supposed to explain this? I’m so upset and miserable I literally couldn’t or I’d burst into tears, so I don’t and retract from the world.
I have zero energy for ANYTHING I’m so tired, so socialising is not possible. I struggle to get to work and back each day. I have a 3hr per day drive to get to work and back and I can’t even put into words how tired and exhausted I am.
I have to sit and rev myself up just to swing my leg out of my car and lift up my body weight to get out of the car, that’s how little energy I have and I’m bloody heavy now! I literally feel sorry for my knees and ankles having to lug me around, they are struggling big time.
Friendships are lost, I learn the hard reality that when push comes to shove – people really don’t care about anything but themselves, this is a hurtful reality, but a lesson, none the less.
I’m devastated and feel alone.
Apart from the fact that I am too tired and sick to have a life, all I can manage is going to work and back, and the struggle to do this is getting harder every day.
I’m JUST managing my drive to work, one day, my eyes close for a second at the wheel whilst doing 100 Kmh on the freeway. I’m totally exhausted and I just don’t know what to do, I feel like I’m running out of options, someone surely can help me? and I’m getting worse with every day that goes by.
I slowly disappear from life and start doing unusual things as my mind is now not working properly, I avoid anything and everything that will put me in front of anyone I know. I can’t bear to see the look on their faces when they see me and I don’t even know what I’m explaining – according to all Doctors I’ve seen, there’s nothing wrong with me.
Apart from the lovely girls I work with, (shout out to Kamaree, De, Alex & Rachel). I manage to not see hardly anyone (apart from my parents) for long extended periods of time, which also means no one really knows how BAD this has become. I’m angry, snappy, teary, depressed, sick, exhausted and fat…… a total joy to be around.
I’m so exhausted that chatting on the phone for half an hour is massively draining, I just have no energy, so now I’m not doing that either. I used to be a chatterbox.
I wallow in my own state, struggle to put one foot in front of the other & can only focus on things that have to be done – getting to work and back and nourishing my body- which has now declined as I don’t have the energy to prepare nutritious food.
I’m SO exhausted I feel like collapsing- and are afraid if I stop I won’t be able to get back up & in fact that’s what I do everyday whey I get home from work, walk inside and collapse on the bed.
To the outside world ( the ones who do see me) I put on a brave face and do what I have to do and push myself to keep going- this is taking a lot of effort though as every day I’m getting worse and worse and worse.
I’m hurt and angry, apart from a couple of friends no one thinks to see if I’m ok. This can’t be happening, am I dreaming? I just don’t know what to do, why can’t I find someone to help me?
Why does our medical system keep telling me there’s nothing wrong with me? I’m surrounded by incompetent fuckwits…- ( see the anger). It becomes clear to me that I am going to have to figure this out for myself, the thought of this almost makes me want to drop to my knees. I don’t have the energy or functioning brain (brain fog) to research and learn medical stuff.
Another Dr sends me to a Gynaecologist – they poke cameras up my fandango to see if they can see anything _ ALL CLEAR_ can’t find anything. I then insist this GP send me to a hormone specialist i.e.: Endocrinologist, which she doesn’t want to do, she finds this an unfounded request!
I’m just not getting anywhere! I start thinking back to the beginning when the SCIO Machine said there was something wrong with my Thyroid.
The body temperatures I took and I tell the Doctor again I want to see an Endocrinologist. Reluctantly the Dr gave me a referral, can you believe she didn’t think I needed to see one ……….. this is wearing me down.
I wait again the standard 4-8 weeks to get an appointment. The whole time I’m waiting I’m thinking this is it- she’s going to find it, she’s a specialist of the Endocrine System, the thyroid is her speciality, she will find the problem. This gives me hope and a little bit of peace and helps me get through the waiting period. I can see a solution and the old Tam insight, If I can just hold on a little bit longer.
The day is here of my appointment 🙂 it’s another day off work though I might add. It isn’t easy fitting in all of these appointments in when you work full time & are 1.5 hours away from your home. I’m sooooo lucky I have a great boss ♥ and are entirely grateful.
Off I go, I make a list of everything I can think of that has happened in the previous year so I don’t forget anything. I’ll give her as much info as I can for her to work from as clearly whatever this is, isn’t obvious to anyone.
The appointment is a disaster, I burst into tears when I get out to my car. She doesn’t think anything is wrong with me from the symptoms I tell her. She strongly suggests I take a drug called Duromine (legalised speed) to lose weight and wants to prescribe anti-depressants.
She also suggests that I have lap band surgery and was so rude I wanted to punch her in the face, remember, I did boxing and was good at it!
She did do some blood tests however she told me she expects them to be normal. She was prepared to give me a prescription for the Duromine and the antidepressant immediately and information on the lap band surgery. All this cost me $400, thank you very much!
I did the blood test and was to return a week later for the results. I never went back, I decided it was a waste of time, she had already made up her mind without blood tests and it was going to cost me another $270 for the follow-up appointment. You know I think she thought I was bullshitting. She was looking at me like I was a freak with my list. I think she thinks I’m making it up and are just fat, maybe everyone thinks this?
I called to get the blood results & was told the results were normal. She did say to me in my appointment however, “well you could have Hashimoto’s but that could take 8-10 years to diagnose.” Hash what? never heard of it and no idea what she is talking about.
I had done so much of my own research trying to work out what was wrong with me and I never came up with this Hashimotos. (this is a different story if you google the symptoms now though, as more and more diagnosis have been made in the last 6 years).
Needless to say, I didn’t take on any of the Endocrinologist’s recommendations- as far as I was concerned lap band surgery wasn’t going to do anything as the problem was not what I was putting in my MOUTH!. This is a big problem now, I’m so fat they believe the weight gain is from eating to many calories.
Regardless of what I tell them I’m eating, they don’t believe me.
Taking legalised speed seemed crazy to me, firstly I know someone who still suffers from mental problems from taking this drug Duromine and secondly I may be losing my mind but I still have enough brain cells left to know that these recommendations are negligent and won’t fix the problem.
I start thinking I’ve got some incredibly rare disease that 0.1% of the population has and they are all missing it……. am I dying? because I actually feel like I am.
I come home from work each day and collapse on my bed and wish the world would stop because I can’t push on any longer, everything is such an effort.